Careful what you write on your blog. Especially if you’re in the Ottawa area and in the process of adopting a dog from the Friendly Giants Dog Rescue (FGDR) shelter, because they will find that post you once wrote about clowns, your neighbour and that thing your dog did that one time with that tool (ahem) toy you bought in Montreal, and not only deny your request to adopt one of their dogs, but they’ll threaten you and slander your name around town as well.

Because, obviously, you must be one of the worst people ever.

Of course the absolute worst kind of person is someone who would, like my friend did a few days ago, write a tongue-in-cheek post asking if the appearance of a dog should be a criteria in choosing which dog to adopt. Because, according to Kim Knapp, the co-founder of FGDR, that’s the only reason why she’s denying a rescued dog the comfort and love of my friends home.

Volunteer at food kitchens once a week? Tough. Build homes for the homeless? Fuck you. Donate your time organizing for charities and causes that help battered women and children? Well, double fuck you if you think that makes you a decent human being, because Kim Knapp will find that one post in the 2000 posts you’ve written over six years, that proves to her you’re a shitty human being and completely unworthy of adopting a dog from her.

Thank God there are people out there like Kim Knapp monitoring websites and blogs, keeping abused animals away from comfortable, loving homes like the one my friends offered.

And, at least to Kim, the sane response would be to publish threats — including asking for a city wide ban on my friends from being able to adopt a rescued dog — on my friends blog, and then again all over the FGDR Facebook page.

The whole sordid affair can be found here [link: here].

Or you can watch this really, really cute commercial:

You :) Tube Alert

Kim Knapp is our shining light. Because, of course, writing about the decision to adopt a pet in an open forum should automatically disqualify anyone from adopting a pet.

Just like discussing such matters with friends over coffee is a sure sign of someone who sacrifices dogs to the Devil. Sweet Jesus, can you imagine someone being allowed to adopt a pet who, previous to the adoption, had actually discussed the process with friends and family? Horrifying.

Just in case Kim, or one of her fellow True Believers, comes over and thinks my mom’s dog, Kipling (above), is kept dirty and wet all the time, I’m offering this other perspective. You know, in case she calls the dog police. Sure Kipling’s been dead for two years, but I’m sure Kim could find a way to retroactively take her from my family.

Who’s a good girl?