A few years ago the provincial government of Ontario banned “cosmetic pesticides”… which meant people couldn’t spray poisons on their lawns anymore.

Which basically meant people’s lawns were turned into a province-wide patchwork of very small dandelion habitats.

Also: dragonflies and fireflies made a comeback. Which is cool. And bees, I guess. They’re important.

Also: fewer people licking my lawn to get high.

It kind of feels like we’re getting towards the end of the age of chemicals. At least the ones that kill us. Or shrink our genitals. Fifty years from now I imagine someone will look back and say something like “jeez… I can’t believe we let Dow Chemicals shrink our testes for so long. That was kind of weird.”.

Of course by then we’ll wish tiny testes were the biggest problem we faced daily, as we send our great-grandchildren out every morning into the streets to once again fight through an army of bath-salt addicted, face eating, iPhone46 using zombies, so they can work in the lithium mines.