This exists. But I don’t know why.

I get it on a philosophical level, some people really like their Tootsie Roll. Then, others, apparently want a Tootsie Roll to be their God. Personally, I can’t stand the stuff. Again, some people do. But, even if there are people who eat the tiny, hard, sharp things every freaking day of the week, surely that giant tube — of what is essentially a tangy, plastic paste — would have to be a years supply.

…anyway. In the background, behind the counter and holding the bag, that’s my girlfriend and the mother of my son. Actually, right there, she’d be two or three months pregnant with him (he turns three next week). Not bad, eh? I think I did pretty well.

Also, the store where I found this has since burned to the ground. Something to do with the electrical system in one of the old fridges. It’s possible the fire dispersed the gigantic Tootsie Rolls across the region as a diabetic-causing aerosol, but still, since no other store around here sells any candy in that size, I’d imagine our health care costs have gone down substantially since the fire. I think that can be counted as a win in the war on obesity… or the bullying of the fatties, or whatever we’re calling it.